Just for a laugh

9 Words Women Use:

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If  she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I  want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re  welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is  a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to  o several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Jess

Hot excerpt

If you’re interested, I have posted a hot little excerpt from A Question of Love over at International Heat.

Just check out today’s Friday Eve Snippet.

Oh, and be warned, the snippet is pretty hot. (Maybe not volcanos erupting hot, but still…it’s smokin’ up the screen.)

Jess

Three’s Company!

Yep, it sure is. Especially when it’s the print books keeping me company.

Check it out:

They even keep the image on my computer company:

And… Photo Opportunity and Ask Adam are always happy to have more company:

Wahooo!

LOL, the UPS guy thought I was completely nuts. I was hollering and jumping all over the place, and all he needed was a simple signature. It took about five minutes for me to complete the task. Almost hugged and kissed the guy as well, but I thought perhaps that might have been overkill!

And – look at this:

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #4,893 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Popular in this category: (What’s this?)

#11 in

Books > Romance > Anthologies

This is what the sales rank at Amazon looked like at 12.33pm on the 27th of July. Holy cow. The book is not even available until the 4th of August!!!

Yes, you bet I’m happy dancing. With a crazy grin on my face. (Just wish Jayne and Lorelei were here to dance with me.)

Jess

International Heat Spotlight: Viv Arend

Before we get started on Viv, just to say: Congrats to Bella. She is the winner of Sherry Ricardo’s spotlight prize!

And now, let’s move on to my wonderful, marvelous, fantastic, completely nuts and outrageously bossy friend:

Viv Arend

What can I say about this woman?

Let’s start with her books. Okay, Viv began writing last year. Yep, last year. Fortunately for her, she has the advantage of being a very fast writer. She can churn out 100 000 words in a month. (That is, on average, 40-50 000 more words than I write in a year.) Which would explain why she already has three books published and 6 543 contracted. Never mind her  8 907 654 works in progress. More than that, Viv’s first book, Wolf Signs was a number one bestseller at Samhain, and her second Samhain release, Tidal Wave, (which I bragged about in the previous post) is currently sitting at no 2 on the MBaM bestseller list. Must say something about the quality of her writing, huh?

Viv is the only author I have ever met who has written about a deaf heroine, and about an elderly grandmother who just lurves menages. I guess you could say she’s not scared to tackle those difficult characters – and she has the amazing talent of making you to fall in love with all of them.

What else can we say about Viv? She is an excellent critique partner. With her around, your books are guaranteed of improving.

And then… well, the word around the Lori Foster Event was that Viv flashed a couple of people. But of course I wasn’t there, so I cannot actually corroborate the story. Also, it might embarrass her to talk about it, so we won’t discuss it any further here.

Viv has been known to take the odd holiday here or there. And when I say odd, I mean just that. Odd. At a drop of a hat, she and her hubby will whip the kids off for a five night camping spree – in sub zero temperatures, with blizzards raging all around – just to enjoy the great outdoors, and maybe get in a little skiing. Viv, at this point, I’d like to direct you to a couple of sites you might find useful:

http://www.crowneplaza.com

http://www.marriot.com

Alright, I’m getting off topic.

Here are the real reasons we’re showcasing Viv this week:

Wolf Signs

Talk about getting your signals crossed…

Granite Lake Wolves, Book 1

Robyn Maxwell doesn’t care that her brother has to cancel out on their backcountry ski trip. She can do it alone. The fact she’s deaf doesn’t make her survival skills any weaker. The chance to get away from it all and relax in the Yukon wilderness is just what she’s been craving.

Meeting wilderness guide Keil at the cabin starts cravings of another kind. Keil’s one hot hunk of ripped, tasty male. Now she has to deal with raging hormones as well as strange questions about wolves and mates and challenges to the death.

Keil was trying for a nice reflective retreat before challenging for the Alpha position of his Alaskan pack. He wasn’t planning on meeting the woman destined to be his mate, or finding out she’s not aware she has the genes of a wolf.

Between dealing with his accident-prone younger brother, a deaf mate with an attitude and an impending duel to the death, his week—and his bed—is suddenly full.

Far from the relaxing getaway any of them had in mind…

Warning: Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “talking with your hands”. Includes dangerous use of sarcasm and hot nookie in a remote wilderness sauna.

Soul Deep

Waiting for his life partner has been difficult. Convincing her that she’s a part of an ancient Atlantis coupling is going to be harder. Luckily, Dylan Finbar has had plenty of time to develop the patience and the persistence to outlast her protests.

Rachel Hart is as mesmerized by the young visiting history professor as the rest of the student population. Only, she’s the one that makes his heart complete. Anam Seis, Soul Mates. Can she accept that the attraction between them has been centuries in the making and her potential lover wants not only her body but her soul?

Rocky Mountain Heat

(Coming Sep, from Liquid Silver Books)

Welcome to the Six Pack Ranch, where one sweet young thing plus the Coleman boys equals trouble with a capital T.

Six Pack Ranch, Book 1

Blake Coleman is old enough to know that acting on impulse causes nothing but a heap of trouble. But when trouble’s a blonde wearing a cowboy hat with slim legs that go on forever, what’s a man to do? Wanting the sweet girl next door is just wrong. Hell, he was the one that taught her to ride a horse and now all he can think about is riding her. The responsible thing to do is keep his hands off.Jaxi has other plans for his hands, and his heart. She may have considered Blake a big brother once but that was a long time ago. She’s all grown up now and ready to convince him that she’s just what he’s been waiting for.Add the complication of two sexy younger brothers who have suddenly noticed Jaxi and things heat up fast. Blake’s gonna have to decide if a little trouble is worth fighting for.

Viv, sweetie – I love ya!

Jess

PS – don’t forget to leave a comment, and visit all the other IH blogs to comment there.

The more comments you leave, the better your chances of winning a prize from Viv!

Looking for a hot summer read?

Or for those of you who live in the Southern Hemisphere, are you looking for something to heat up those cold nights?

Well then I have to tell you about Viv Arend’s new release: Tidal Wave. (And I make no excuse for shamelessly plugging her work just because she is a friend of mine. This book deserves a good plug.)

Those of you who know me, know I have an obsession with dolphins and whales. So you can imagine my delight, when for my reading pleasure, Viv sent me her unedited version of Tidal Wave! A book about dolphin shifters. More than that…a dolphin shifter menage. I was in heaven – and coincidentally, in Melbourne, attending the  Australian Romance Readers Conference. There was not much free time to read, so I had to grab the opportunities when I could – which was on the tram on the way to and from ARRC in the early mornings and late evenings. I guess the most telling part of how much I enjoyed this book was the somewhat embarrassing fact that on one ride home I missed my stop, and had to walk a couple of kilometers just to get back to the house where I was staying.

This story is wonderful. Hot, hot, hot and funny. With some hot men/dolphins thrown in to make the book even (dare I say it?) hotter. Alexia is one lucky devil dolph lady, and Joshua and Anthony are fantastic heroes (although I particularly like Anthony.) But I have to say the character who takes the cake in this book is Alexia’s granny. Wait til you meet her. She will leave you with a huge grin on your face.

Look, I could carry on telling you about how much I enjoyed the story, or you could see for yourself.

Check out the cover first of all. I think it is utterly gorgeous. Then do yourselves a favour. Judge the book by the cover! Go ahead and buy it.

Jess

Tidal Wave” by Vivian Arend

Buy from MBaM!
Read An Excerpt Online
Genre: Paranormal Romance, Red Hots!

ISBN: 978-1-60504-629-7
Length: Category
Price: 4.50
Publication Date: July 21, 2009
Cover art by Angie Waters

Slippery when wet…

Forces of Nature, Book 1

From her first kiss to her first sight of dolphins dancing on the waves, Alexia Colten has always held a special place in her heart for Jaffrey’s Cove. Now that she’s back to help her grandmother settle into a home, she discovers this place has lost none of its remembered magic. In fact, it seems more magical than before—and more erotic.

After she’s gifted with a beautiful, dolphin-etched medallion, she finds herself surrounded by the golden boys of summers past. Her body is filled with longings she can’t explain and dreams of blue lights that turn into lovers.

Joshua Marley and his cousin Anthony are merfolk, a people capable of living beneath the waves as either dolphin or human. Alexia holds the medallion that marks her as the next in line to lead their people—if she can prove she can transform. Working in tandem, they’re sure they can arouse her passion and protect her from those who would use her simply to gain power.

But their strength alone may not be enough to help her face the challenge of her new position…

Warning: This title contains a conniving granny, naked men in the surf and shifters who take fun in the water to new depths. Snorkels not required.

International Heat Spotlight on: Sherry Ricardo

Yikes.

Apologies. I am late with my spotlight this week. (I have a good excuse tho. I was away for a few days in Canberra.) So, first off, let me congratulate Mia, who was the winner of Valerie’s prize for last week’s spotlight.

And then let me introduce the amazing…

Sherry Ricardo!

Sherry is an editor with Freya’s Bower/Wild Child Publishing. She is also a wonderful friend and a barrel of laughs. Her snappy one liners say more than a ten page essay ever could. But beware all you writers out there! While Sherry is brilliant at her editing, she has a rather nasty habit. If she likes the hero of the romance she is reading…she steals him. I’m not kidding. In some fortress somewhere in the world, there is a room full of very hot, very sexy, very kidnapped romance heroes. And I should know. I have lost one of my heroes to the woman. I’ve done my best to get him back, but Sherry must work some kinda magic on her abductees, because my hero, Connor, seems pretty content to stay with her. (Either that or she has him chained and gagged somewhere, and he cannot escaped.)

Abductions aside, why not get to know Sherry’s skills as an editor a little better? Here are two of the books she has edited:

The Macgregor’s Daughter by Dee JulianIn 1776 England, American born Anadreya Macgregor is branded a spy by the arrogant Marquis of Canderlay. Despite her pleas of innocence, he refuses to listen and has her imprisoned. Aided by the Scottish father she never knew, Dreya escapes to Dragon’s Breath Castle.

Five years later, the laird is missing and a badly injured Frenchman washes ashore. Dreya is wary of the blind and amnesic man, though something about him is hauntingly familiar. Is he an ally or a ruthless mercenary who stumbled upon her father’s smuggling activities?

The stranger’s vision and memory gradually return and Dreya discovers her fate and the continued existence of her clan might very well be in his hands. As the web of deception binding them together unravels, both are in danger of losing everything. Including their hearts.

Buy HERE!

Frozen Spring Break by Jaxx Steele

Gregorio Santos was not like his co-workers. They rushed to the warm temperatures and white sand beaches of the Caribbean for vacation, he preferred the white cold of the ski slopes. Greg is single and determined to remain that way—despite his loneliness. While on vacation at Lake Tahoe, an accident strands the sexiest man he had met in years at his cabin. Will his resolve to stay single outlast being trapped with a man that gives the term ‘bringing sexy back’ new meaning?

Buy HERE!

Remember, for your chance to win a prize from Sherry, leave a comment. In fact the more comments you leave on the blogs form the ladies at International Heat, the more chance you stand to win. For all the relevent links, either check out the side bar of the blog, or the top blog at http://jessdee.wordpress.com.

Good luck.

Jess

Spotlight on: Lexxie Couper

It’s only taken 6 months to get her here, but finally Lexxie Couper has decided to blog over at my place. LOL, have you met her yet? She is lovely. Pretty as anything, lots of fun, with an imagination none of us could begin to fathom. Lexxie writes very, very, very hot – okay scorching – paranormal romance. And she is honestly a brilliant author. If you haven’t yet read her stuff, don’t worry. She has a new release coming out at Samhain in a couple weeks . (Yep, she’s about to tell you all about it.) And if you want more info, I blogged about Lexxie a while back. Check it out here.

But why do you want to hear more from me, when  Lexxie can say it so much better herself. She’s here to chat about being Australia and her Samhain releases.

Jess

Lexxie Couper: To Australia or Not?

I’m a proud Aussie. Anyone familiar with me has probably worked that out by now. The words “fair dinkum”, “crikey”, “struth”, “bloody hell” and “by jingoes” regularly pepper my conversations. There are some Australians who suffer what is known Down Under as the “cultural cringe” – a distinct distaste for the more Aussie elements of our heritage. I’m not one of them. I grew up in the outback and love who I am. What better way to say someone is not pleasant to look at than to say “Jeez, they’re as ugly as a hat full of a*se-holes!”

Okay, maybe there are better ways, but the Aussie way seems, to me at least, to have more visual kick and really, what is language for than to plant images in the minds of those we talk to, no matter the medium?

Having said that, I find myself in a conundrum. When does my love-affair with my own country become too much for my readers? My last two books have Australian heroes. They say “fair dinkum” often. I’ve written three books set in Australia (well, four, actually, but one is still looking for a home) and have another three planned. Each time I write a story set Down Under I research the location in great detail, visiting it often if I can, spending hours on the net if I can’t (contrary to belief, Australia is a bloody big place. I can not drive to the Outback or the Great Barrier Reef in a day). Every time I begin to write, I fall in love all over again with my home country and want my readers to do so as well.

But should I?

Judging by the lukewarm reception to Baz Luhrman’s “Australia” (which is a beautiful, wonderful film, btw) anything Aussie isn’t necessarily warmly welcomed in the rest of the world. What does this mean for me? Does this mean I should transplant my heroes and heroines to far off distant shores and planets? Should I return to my sci-fi roots?

My latest release, Savage Retribution, sees an Irish werewolf fighting for his life in Sydney, Australia. I had lots of fun writing this book. I wanted to show what Australia and Australians are like from a non-Aussie’s point of view. The heroine, Regan, is an animal rights activist who rescues a wolf from a notorious science lab only to discover the wolf is really a man…well, a werewolf. Suffice to say, she’s a little surprised. More so when said man forces her to join him on a mad dash that takes them from Bondi Beach to the opulent suburbs on Sydney’s North Shore, in an attempt to escape the scientist/werewolf hellbent on destroying them both. There’s lots of Sydney locations, lots of Aussie characters and lots and lots of “bloody hells”, “fair dinkums” and the odd “crikey”.

Next month, Death, The Vamp and his Brother is being released by Samhain. Another tale set in Sydney, this one has the head lifeguard of Bondi Beach as the hero. You can’t really get a more Aussie bloke than that – Bondi Beach, one of the most Aussie icons in the country plus a man who spends his days on that beach watching over the lives of thousands of tourists and locals alike. The story for Death, The Vamp and his Brother sees the Apocalypse about to destroy mankind, and guess where that horrific event is going to take place? Yep, Bondi Beach ☺

There are two sequels to Savage Retribution, both set in Australia (one in the Outback, one in the lush rain forest state of Tasmania) and two planned for Death, The Vamp and His Brother (both set in Sydney) but should I set them somewhere else?

Or should I say, to hell with it all? They say writers should write what they love, and I love Australia, I really do. So, I guess that answers my problem, doesn’t it.

To Australia or not? Well, in the immortal words of Men At Work…I come from the land Down Under… and I’m proud of it *grin*

Death, The Vamp and His Brother
When it comes down to love or duty, pick a side—and pray your heart survives.
Death exists for one purpose and one purpose only: to sever the life-threads of the living. She does her job with pride and an unwavering commitment. Nothing ruffles her. Until she encounters Patrick Watkins. The Australian lifeguard pushes all her buttons—and makes her tailbone itch like crazy. And when her tailbone itches, it means trouble is brewing. Big trouble.
Ven’s gut tells him that Death is taking aim at his kid brother. He should know—he died and was turned vampire while trying to prevent another failed murder-attempt eighteen years ago. Patrick is meant to do something important in the world, and Ven will do anything to keep him safe. Even take on Death herself. In more ways than one.
As far as Patrick’s concerned, the whole thing is a load of bull. But what if everything Death tells him turns out to be true? How is he expected to save mankind from the worst fate of all—the Apocalypse? Especially when all he can think about is how quickly he’s falling in love with the most feared Horseman of them all…
Warning: This book contains enough heresy to shame the Devil, more scorching sex than one person can handle, Oh, and lots of Australian colloquialism. A bloody lot of Australian colloquialism.

You can find out more about the mad Aussie woman, Lexxie Couper at her website. While you’re there, take a look at her book trailers.

Coming Soon: A Question of Love

My latest novella only took a year to write. (See, I  always said I was the slowest writer in the world.) But that is no longer important.

The good news is, the book has just been contracted by Samhain.

So, wanna know more about it? It’s quite exciting actually. It is the sequel to the Menage and More Anthology story, A Question of Trust.

A Question of Love is Gabe and Tina’s story and it will (hopefully) be available in November.

A Question of Love: The unofficial blurb

A past with three, a future for two

Gabe Carter has loved Tina Jenkins for four years. He may have given her up as a matter of honor, but his feelings for her were never in question. Now times have changed and previously made promises have been discarded. Gabe is going after what he wants—and there is nothing he desires more than Tina.

When Gabe left Tina four years ago, he tore apart the most special of bonds, destroying not only their liaison, but her relationship with his best friend as well. Instead of two lovers, Tina was left with none. Putting the pieces of her broken heart and her shattered life back together was a struggle she never wishes to repeat.

But Gabe’s back and he’s determined to pick up where they left off—only this time without his best friend. He wants Tina all to himself, and she can’t help but respond to his seduction. The only problem is she wants the whole package deal. She wants Gabe—and his friend.

It’s up to Gabe to prove to Tina that he’s more than enough man for her.

Warning: If piping hot sex, ménage scenes, adult toys, anal play, short blonde heroines and stacked, muscular heroes are not your cup of tea, then don’t read this book. You won’t enjoy it.

Jess

International Heat Spotlight on: Valerie Tibbs

CONGRATS TO KAREN H FOR WINNING RHIAN CAHILL’S CONTEST LAST WEEK!

And now, I am so happy and so proud to introduce you to my dear friend…

VALERIE TIBBS

For those of you who do not yet know Val, let me describe her for you. She is marvelous and fantastic. Val is like one of the unexpected treats you cannot believe you have had the luck to stumble across. Not only is she a wonderful person – warm, loving, caring – she is about the bestest friend one could hope for. Having Val on your side is like having a whole cheerleader team. And believe me, with Val behind you, cheering you on, you can only succeed. Got a problem you think is unsolvable? Mention it to Val. Feel down? No one better to cheer you up. Unsure about a book you’ve written? Show it to Val.

And lemme tell you something else. Not only is Val the nicest person on earth, she is also an incredibly talented graphic artist. How did I first discover this little fact? Well it all began when I innocently opened my inbox one day to find a little gift there, compliments of Valerie Tibbs:

This is the first banner Val ever designed for me. And she did it just because she wanted to. (Told you! She is wonderful.)

So from there everything spiraled. I decided to ask Val to design a banner for my website.

About ten minutes later I found this in my inbox:

(Ahem – did you happen to notice it is animated? If not – well, that’s my fault. That’s because I have no idea how to insert the animated version here. But click on the banner itself, and you’ll see how it should look. ;O )

About an hour after that, I found this in my inbox:

I loved it the second I saw it. LOVED it. Now it’s up on every page on my web. (LOL, I’d put it up on my blog, but honestly? I don’t have the foggiest clue how to.)

Then it was time for a new signature banner. Once again, V did not fail me:

So, you can imagine my delight when the Boys Down Under anthology was accepted at Aspen Mountain Press, and we had the honor of working with their cover artist…Valerie Tibbs!

Do you have any idea how hard it is designing a cover for one fussy author? Imagine satisfying five of us. No trouble for Ms Tibbs:

And then, as if the cover was not enough, she added a Boys Down Under signature banner:

Next up came the invitation from Viv Arend to join eight others in a round the world adventure known as: International Heat. Fortunately for the rest of us, Valerie is one of the members.

Not only did she design the banner and the button for IH, she also designed “Coming Soon” covers for all of us.

Now, I could add all the covers and banners she’s designed for all the various IH members, but I’d run out of blog space. You can view them all for yourself either by checking out their blogs. (Their addresses are featured on the first blog entry on this page.) Or you can head straight to Valerie’s website, Graphics by Design.

Since that first banner arrived in my inbox, Valerie has taken the cover art and graphic design world by storm.

You’ll see her signature banners on emails and websites all over the world. She is the head cover artist for Freya’s Bower/Wild Child Publishing, she’s on staff at Aspen Mountain and Awe-Struck.  Val freelances for Amira Press, Pink Petal, and Sugar and Spice, and she has done pro-bono for eXcessica. Finally she has done print covers and marketing ads for Zumaya as well.

If you’d like Val to create something beautiful for you, head on over to Graphics by Design. You’ll find a full portfolio there as well as a list of her prices.

And I promise, once you’ve worked with Valerie once, you will have a graphic artist and friend for life.

Jess

(PS – don’t forget to leave a comment for your chance to win a prize from Valerie.)

TV bloopers

Yes.

I am a terrible person and I find other people’s mishaps hilarious.

Watch this. You will too.

Jess